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MacHack 1997
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MacHack 1997.toast
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Other Stuff ’97
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Feeding Frenzy!
Wrap
Text File
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1997-09-03
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7KB
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162 lines
Pizza feeding frenzy, Lucy's report:
FADE IN - THE HOLIDAY INN LOBBY- LATE EVENING (subdued lighting)
The setting is civilized and elegant, small tables arranged on the raised
atrium lobby, where approximately 150 HACKERS are restlessly milling.
The hotel staff lay out neatly the little white napkins and Styrofoam
plates on the white linen-draped tables that are arranged in an 'L' shape
in one corner of this raised area.
Nearing midnight, LUCY meets the young and unsuspecting PIZZA DELIVERY
PERSON at the front desk across the lobby. They exit to the parking lot
where a beat up Honda Civic awaits jammed full front and back with pizza
boxes, totaling 52 Large.
In B.G. SOUND of "Shark's theme from 'JAWS'" almost imperceptibly, a grim
portent.
Moments later, Lucy leads the way back into the lobby atrium with a stack
of six pizzas in her hands, followed by PizzaBoy with a cart with 30
more pizzas. Lucy rounds the corner onto the ramp leading up to the
atrium dining area past the potted palms that conceal the LURKING
HACKERS, slavvering and restlessly surging forward.
As Lucy reaches the first tables, she makes the mistake of turning her
back on the crowd to set the pizzas on the table. They surge forward,
Styrofoam plates at ready, hands flailing and groping at the boxes as
Lucy struggles to push them back.
LUCY
Back! Back! You animals!
She reaches to her belt where --to her horror-- she realizes that her
whip is not there!
In the distance she spots it laying on the table in the meeting room
where the Bash Apple session is winding down, and where the SCOTT the
moderator is oblivious to the unfolding danger in the atrium. The whip
had kept the surly crowd from savaging the Apple evangelists earlier, but
now -- no longer needed as protection for the Apple reps -- it lays
useless.
With no weapon but the pizza itself and their ravening greed, Lucy shoves
the boxes toward the Hackers coming at her from the end of the table, and
whirls to see the defenseless and unsuspecting Pizza Boy struggling up
the ramp with the cart as the frenzied Hackers swoop down on him and
begin grabbing boxes off the cart.
Lucy shoulders her way bravely through the drooling, savage horde to grab
the Vegan pizzas to safety before they mistakenly fall into the hands of
the meat eaters and are destroyed
LUCY
Vegans! Grab it or lose it!
Passing them off to the well-mannered and horrified Vegans seated
passively at their table engrossed in their hack projects, she thrusts
their pizza boxes at them. The seven purists pull their PowerBooks to
safety as the pizza boxes land on their table.
VEGAN
Is there any fruit juice with no sugar?
Lucy merely curls her lip in disdain and returns to the fray.
Meanwhile the crazed crowd has overwhelmed poor Pizza Boy. Lucy battles
her way to him.
Meanwhile, from the side steps comes MAURITA and PATRICK, the banquets
manager. Usually calm and unflappable, his tie is slightly askew, and
under his perfect tan he pales at the sight, nervously running his hand
through his neatly coiffed hair. Patrick hesitates, unsure.
Maurita is, as always, unruffled. Maurita points to the left-side table.
MAURITA
Veggie pizzas over there!
(to the right)
Meat over there!
They begin to sort and open the boxes.
Lucy and Pizza Boy are unloading the cart as fast as possible, dodging
the flying crusts and gobs of cheese as the first boxes are torn asunder
heedless of meat or veggie within.
Patrick pulls a few boxes to safety and opens them, only to fall back as
he is overwhelmed by the tee-shirted brutes undeterred at the attempts to
serve them in a reasonable and orderly fashion. Patrick and BOB, another
volunteer retreat to the relative safety of the meeting room where the
Bash Apple session is winding down, where they are able to place several
boxes tidily on a table in front of the Apple representatives and
technicians who barely pause in their explanations as to how they are
going to stop the webserver from crashing while wolfing down their
portions.
Cart emptied, Pizza Boy dashes back down the ramp to refill it. In spite
of the danger, he returns, only to be ambushed once more as he struggles
up the ramp with the last of the pizzas. Lucy and Maurita fight their
way through the pack of Hackers to open the boxes and lay them out, and
discard the smashed and torn boxes that are now empty.
Finally, Lucy and Maurita are forced to fall back with Pizza Boy. They
tip him generously for endangering his life as he did. He stumbles down
the ramp and away in to the relative safety of the Detroit night.
Patrick watches the seething tide of hackers as they fall on the open
boxes and moves silently down the corridor to replenish the drinks,
disillusioned and incredulous. He knows that soon they will be stalking
the halls demanding more and more Jolt Cola, Coke, and Surge to quench
their insatiable appetites. This is not the average conference, he has
decided, and contemplates taking this time off next year since Holiday
Inn does not provide survival training in their catering seminars. He
exits into the serene silence of the kitchens.
Meanwhile, Maurita and Lucy occasionally pull an empty box away to clear
the way for the Hackers to devour even more. As the Bash Apple session
finally ends, and a new and hungry tide of hackers descend, Lucy and
Maurita back away, abandoning any attempts at lending order to the chaos
surrounding them.
LUCY
(checking her watch)
It's 12:18. Eighteen minutes.
MAURITA
There were 52 Pizzas!
They retreat cautiously through the growling, gnashing crowd of
pizza-inhaling heathens to where CAROL, the regal, red-headed matriarch
of MacHack sits watching the scene with bemused tolerance. Lucy and
Maurita sit down wearily.
LUCY
Remind you of New York in '76?
CAROL
Nah...Those Trekkies had rocks.
Lucy scans the lobby and spots the balcony over the front desk.
LUCY
Friday night, can we go up there?
Carol and Maurita, who have known her for many years, wait patiently for
they realize she's going someplace with this thought.
LUCY
...Then we can just toss the pizza off into the crowd
...or
maybe make them leap ...you know, like at Sea World?
PULL BACK TO OVERVIEW OF LOBBY
As the satiated Hackers gradually subside, leaving soiled tables,
crumpled plates and shredded napkins. With the SOUND of rumbling stomachs
and belches we....
FADE OUT.